“Be More Confident” Is a Difficult Appointment to Keep

Imagine putting this in your calendar:

Tuesday, 10:00. Become more confident.

What exactly are you supposed to do when the reminder appears?

Confidence is a meaningful ambition. But as an instruction for the next hour, it leaves rather a lot unexplained.

The same happens with “find my direction,” “stop overthinking” and “put myself first.”

These phrases can describe something we sincerely want while giving us very little indication of where to begin.

In coaching, I am interested in bringing that ambition into a situation we can actually examine.

Where would you like more confidence?

Asking a question in a meeting? Returning to something after a setback? Introducing yourself to someone whose work interests you?

Each answer opens a different conversation.

Take a person who says they want more confidence at work. Imagine that they regularly have a useful question during meetings but wait until afterwards to ask a colleague privately.

Now we have something concrete.

What happens between forming the question and deciding to remain silent?

Perhaps they are unsure whether the topic has already been covered. Perhaps they cannot find a short way to ask. Perhaps they believe they should already know the answer.

Those possibilities deserve different responses.

Preparing one clear question before the next meeting could be useful. Understanding a gap in their knowledge could also be useful. Repeating “believe in yourself” gives them much less to work with.

This is why I care about the details of ordinary situations.

A goal becomes more workable when you can describe what you would do differently, where you would do it and what might make it difficult.

You can then choose a next step that is small enough to attempt and meaningful enough to teach you something.

Afterwards, you have an experience to examine. What did you do? What happened? What still needs attention?

You do not have to pretend it felt easy.

You also do not have to wait until every uncomfortable feeling has disappeared before beginning.

Try completing this sentence:

“If I felt more confident, the next thing I would do is…”

Be specific. Give it a place, a person or a task.

Then look at that action with curiosity. What preparation, information or support would help you attempt it?

Tuesday at ten now has something in it you can actually do.

Explore how we can work together on your decisions, confidence and next steps.

Silvia