Two athletes ask how to improve their performance.
One needs to deliver their best in competition next week. The other is rebuilding their technique for next season.
A change that helps the second athlete develop may temporarily disrupt the first athlete’s performance at exactly the wrong moment.
Give them the same advice and you may help one while making the other’s situation worse.
That is why I think a useful conversation needs to establish the objective early.
What are you trying to achieve?
The answer changes what deserves attention.
Someone asks how to become more confident speaking in public. We could immediately discuss delivery, posture and preparation.
But perhaps they understand their subject perfectly and need to handle interruptions. Perhaps they are speaking to the wrong audience. Perhaps they have been asked to defend a position they do not agree with.
Those are different tasks.
Experience gives us things to offer.
Listening helps us understand which of them might be useful here.
I believe we can learn from everyone. That includes learning enough about the person in front of us to resist answering a question they have not actually asked.
A familiar situation can tempt us into a familiar response.
Pause long enough to investigate.
What matters to this person? What have they already tried? Which part is proving difficult? What would a useful outcome look like to them?
Then we can work.
The quality of advice begins with how accurately we understand what it is supposed to help someone do.
Silvia
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