You know where to buy groceries. You know which way to turn when you leave the house.
Then one Tuesday afternoon you feel like having coffee with somebody and realise you don’t know who to ask.
Having lived in different countries, I think that’s the part of moving I’d find hardest to explain to someone who’s just about to do it.
You can meet plenty of people in your first month and still miss having someone you can text, “I’m five minutes away. Are you in?”
There’s a difference between knowing people and being part of their Tuesday.
Give people a chance to see you twice
If I were starting again somewhere, I’d put one thing in my diary that I could do at the same time every week.
A class I actually wanted to take. A regular walk with the dogs. Coffee somewhere I’d happily go on my own.
Then I’d go back. Same day, same time, for a few weeks. The next time you see the woman with the dog you met last Tuesday, you already have something to say. You can ask how the dog got on at the vet. That’s a much easier conversation to start, especially if you’re still finding your feet in another language.
And when there’s someone you’d like to see again, give them an invitation they can actually answer. “I’m going for coffee after class on Tuesday. Fancy joining me?” One coffee is a perfectly good plan.
Keep the people you already have
Put a call with someone you miss in the diary too.
Tell them about the woman with the dog, the coffee place, the word you keep getting wrong. There’s a particular pleasure in hearing an old friend ask, a week later, “So, did you see her again?”
If you’ve moved and you’re trying to work out how to feel more at home, we can start with a real week in your life.
In a one-to-one coaching session, we can look at which parts of your week feel hardest and find a few practical changes that fit your time, your energy and the place you live.
I work online in English and Italian.
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