“Of course I can take Mum on Tuesday. Just remind me on Monday.”
It sounds like one thing off your list.
On Monday, you remember to send the reminder. Then you find the address, forward the appointment details and check that someone will bring her home. On Tuesday, halfway through your own working day, you wonder whether they’ve left yet.
Someone else is doing the driving. You’re still following the whole trip.
I think this is where a lot of resentment starts.
Someone says, “You only had to ask.” You did ask. Then you asked again. And by the time it was done, it felt quicker to have done it yourself.
In coaching, I’d ask you to bring me one responsibility that keeps coming back to you, even after somebody agrees to help.
We’d go through it from the moment it first needs attention to the moment it’s finished. Who remembers it? Who makes the arrangements? Who deals with it when something changes?
Then we’d work out what you’d actually like to hand over. It might sound like this:
“Could you take care of Mum’s Tuesday appointments for the next month? That includes checking the time and arranging a lift if you’re working. I’ll send you the details today.”
We’d practise what to say if the answer is, “Fine, just remind me,” and work out what you can realistically change if the answer is no.
If you can already think of the one thing you’d bring to that session, start there. Write to me about private online coaching in English or Italian.
Silvia
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