The Question Has Already Chosen Half the Answer.

“Wasn’t that brilliant?”

There is a small difficulty with this question.

If your answer is no, you now have two jobs: explain what you thought and gently disappoint the person who asked.

“How was it?” would have given you considerably more room.

I find this interesting because we can influence a conversation before anybody has offered an opinion. Sometimes all it takes is the way we ask.

Listen to the assumption inside the question

“Why is this so difficult?”

Perhaps it is difficult. But which part?

Understanding the task? Finding the time? Working out what to do first?

The original question gathers several possible problems under one description.

A more specific question can help us discover what is actually happening.

“Where did you stop?”

Now we have a moment to examine.

“What information were you missing?”

Now there may be something we can find.

The wording changes what becomes available to discuss.

Give disagreement somewhere to go

Imagine showing someone a first version of a project.

“I think this works really well. What do you think?”

You have asked for their view. You have also supplied yours first.

They may agree completely. They may notice something useful and hesitate to mention it because the conversation already sounds close to approval.

I would sometimes prefer to ask:

“What catches your attention first?”

“What would you need to understand more clearly?”

“Which part would you change?”

These questions give the person something concrete to examine. They also make a different opinion easier to contribute.

I can explain my own choices afterwards.

Be careful when you question yourself, too

We do this privately as well.

“How am I going to fit all of this into tomorrow?”

Before looking for an answer, I would check whether everything on the list actually needs to happen tomorrow.

Some tasks may have a fixed deadline. Others may be there because I wrote them down together.

A useful question could be:

“What needs to be finished tomorrow, and what can I schedule separately?”

I can organise the day more intelligently once I have examined the requirement.

Otherwise, I may spend twenty minutes solving a scheduling problem that my own question made unnecessarily complicated.

Ask something you are prepared to hear answered

There is nothing wrong with expressing enthusiasm, making a recommendation or explaining a preference.

But when I want someone’s assessment, I want to leave enough room for them to give it.

And when I need information, I want a question that helps us find it.

Before asking, I sometimes find it useful to pause over this:

Have I left space for an answer I haven’t already imagined?

That is often where the conversation becomes worth having.

This also matters when giving advice: first, understand what the other person is actually trying to achieve.

Silvia